Has everyone heard of this show? Jessica has spoken with me about this program for about a year. I actually taped all of last season, but didn't get around to watching it, so we erased it all. The new season started last night and I decided I was going to watch. Of course working at night means that I sat down and watched it this morning, but better late than never. I'll tell you, I really cried. For those of you who haven't watched this show, it is an emotional roller coaster.
I know some people really don't care about their weight, and accept themselves exactly as they are. Good on you! That is awesome! I am not one of those people. I have been carrying my extra weight for 11 years. 11 years. There is no excuse for that. No one can make me feel that is OK. Did this show motivate me to get off my ass and get working on this? Yes. Will it still be the same tomorrow? Who knows.
What I do know is that I hate what I see when I look in the mirror. Hate it. I am embarrassed, I am mortified, I am disappointed. On a recent O Magazine cover, Oprah says - "how did I let this happen again?" I know how it happened to me. I eat. And eat. And eat. When I'm hungry, when I'm full, when I'm bored. Whenever.
There are a few things that I know about myself.
1. I have no willpower. Jessica, and my mom for that matter, have willpower in spades. I am continually amazed at the things they do. In awe.
2. Eating for me is 10% sustenance and 90% emotional. I am an emotional eater. I always have been. As someone who doesn't smoke, drink or do drugs, I guess it is safe to say that eating is my drug of choice. That being said, I am killing myself just as I would abusing any of those other things.
Jessica has attempted to work with me on this so many times, that she has just quit trying because I don't try. What is the use of her doing so much work, when I don't hold up my end of the bargain? It's really dumb on my part. She has so much knowledge and so much willingness to be my biggest cheerleader and I still don't come through. Very disappointing.
Don't get me wrong - I am not having a pity party here. I guess I just thought that if I actually write this down, leave it out for others to see, that maybe, just maybe, I would quit making excuses and be the person I know I can be. My weight should not dictate the person I am but it sure dictates how I feel about the person I am. And to be perfectly honest, I don't really like that person. Will I be happier 75 lbs lighter? Who knows. What I do know, is that I will have one less obstacle in front of me, blocking my path to becoming the person I know I can be.
3 comments:
Shannon - I watched The Biggest Loser last year but haven't got into it this year. Today down at Fabutan - Jean, Roberta and Amanda all mentioned last night's show and Amanda said she cried as well. I really do know what you are saying because I stepped on the scale on Monday morning (and again said to myself "I will start again Monday") and it scared me because 10 years ago I did the Weigh Down program through the church and lost 40 lbs. and felt really good about myself and said I would never get back up to that weight - WELL!!! Monday morning proved me WRONG and I am two pounds under that weight. Yes I was disgusted with myself and keep saying to myself that I did it before but it seems to get harder and harder. Jean and Roberta have joined the Herbal Magic (which costs 2 arms and 2 legs!!) and have done great. I can't afford it and will just keep trying on my own. Good luck with whatever you try Shannon - maybe we can try and encourage each other. My will power is not very strong and food tastes too good whether I'm hungry or not. My mom has said for years - eat while you can because one day you won't be able to taste or smell like me. I don't think it would make any difference - I'd probably eat anyway. Take care - love you lots!!!
BIG HUGS TO EVERYONE!
I have heard of it but never watched it. I hope the motivation you had yesterday will carry over. Our family either has weight issues or else works constantly to stay at a weight they've achieved for themselves and are happy with. Dad and I have both gained weight since the summer. I know you hate to exercise but I firmly believe this is also necessary to keep the weight off. Last year when I was staying at Jessica's and walking 10 km 3-4 days a week, I could eat whatever I would normally. Right now we walk, but saunter, bike, but rarely work up a sweat, so that just doesn't count.
I am not an emotional eater and rarely snack, however, I can eat a portion that would embarrass a lumberjack. Sometimes the embarrassment of going back for a third helping is what keeps me from eating more. Unfortunately, my favorite meal is supper, just the wrong time of day to eat large quantities. You're not alone, as you know, in your battle with food. Our whole family loves to eat, it is what we do when we get together, it's like that with most people. Jessica does have amazing will power, just don't put hot dogs in front of her. Oprah has really put herself out there and I think she does an amazing job. I have never sat and watched her show but her new weight issue has aired on CNN lots this week. She is right on when she says that no matter how much you've accomplished in your life or how much you have, if the dress doesn't fit.....
We love you no matter what you weigh and we want you to be happy looking at yourself in the mirror. Most of all, we want you to be HEALTHY and we all know that being overweight is not good for our health. Dad and I want to live a healthy old age and we know we have to get working on taking this weight off or we will be sorry. Like Shirley says, maybe we can get this done together. How fortunate you are to have a mom-in-law who cares so deeply about you and who understands how you feel. You know I understand as it's always been a struggle to be where I wanted to be, I was just never satisfied. That however, is me, no matter what the issue.
This is the second comment I have written on this, my first was much better but was lost in cyberspace.
We love you so very much.
Love to all
It took a lot of guts to post that. I am proud of you for putting yourself out there. As for me, I'll try to help you and keep cheerleading until the end of time. I'll do this because you are worth it. Now you just have to realize in your own heart that you are worth it.
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