Dating and raising boys. What's luck got to do with it?

It has been a long time since I have been on a 'date'. Almost 21 years. However, this afternoon I watched a clip of an interview with Garth Brooks, who 14 years ago gave up performing to raise his three daughters after his divorce. In the 3 minute clip, he was asked for 5 tips for raising daughters. One really struck a cord with me.

Garth Brooks has the same rule as we do - no one-on-one dating until 16. He also gave each of his daughters cars when they got their licenses at 16. This too is something I strongly believe in - boys or girls.

So this was his tip - if a boy wants to date his daughter, he better come to the door and introduce himself. If he honks his horn, he might as well keep driving. Along with that, he had an agreement with his daughters that while the boy had come to the house, the daughters always drive on the first date with any boy. His logic is that being the driver gives them the control to cut the date short, come home if they are feeling pressured or not having a good time and gives them the independence to make the decisions that are best for them.

Let me just say that although I am the mother of boys, one of which has his own car, I am in full agreement with this and think that any young man that does not understand and appreciate this is not worth the first date. My sons included.

Like my parents, we have been hit with some backlash over giving Sterling a car when he got his license, and I am sure we will get more in February when it is Kaedo's turn. The reason behind it is simple. My children are in as much control as they can be, of their destiny, their safety, their happiness, when they have the power to just leave. Sterling has on a couple of occasions left situations, and while Craig and I would go to get him, no questions asked, the power of having his own car, gives him the strength to walk away and know that he is responsible for his choices because he has an 'out'. I am happy that we have chosen to do this for our sons. Not just for the above reasons, but for the responsibility it teaches them.

The one hard and fast, no exceptions rule we have, is that no child is allowed in the car unless I hear from their parents first. If the parents can't take 1 minute to call me so that I know that they know that it is a 17 year old driving their child, not an adult, they are not allowed.  Sterling has caught a lot of flak for that one, as parents don't seem to understand, or care and kids think we are assholes.  We are talking children driving children. Added to that, I don't let the boys get in a car with anyone I haven't met and spoken with.  A couple of weeks ago I got a call from a dad who said, "I have never had to make a call like this before for a simple trip to the bowling alley, but thank you". When Sterling and his friend picked her up, he went to the door, shook hands, introduced himself and made me proud. His list of friends who drive with him is growing, but there are some parents who refuse to call. It's their loss, and their child's loss. The boys know this is an unbreakable rule. They may get away with it the first time, but I'll find out, and when I do, no amount of begging will get them back in their car. I only wish more parents understood.

As toddlers and young children, we set out rules and parameters for our kids. As they grow older, so many parents seem to feel that they are no longer able to do so. We do not have a lot of rules, but the ones we have are strictly adhered too. Teenagers need boundaries, rules, expectations. Not to keep them in line, but to give them something to strive for, to see that we respect them and expect them to respect us. They need to understand that what we do is for their safety, happiness and well-being, and if at any time they disagree we can talk about it, make adjustments. The time between when school gets out and parents get home is the most dangerous time of the day, in my opinion. More children are conceived by children, more alcohol is consumed and more drugs are tried. I know this to be true because my children speak to me, they tell me what their classmates are doing. It scares the hell out of me. So we have rules. About girls, about alcohol, about drugs.

What I hope is that with clear rules and guidance, we will continue to raise charming, smart, beautiful, kind, caring, loving and generous individuals who are going to kick ass in this world.

Lastly, you know what I hate? When people say to me "oh, you're so lucky to have the children you have". For the record, LUCK has NOTHING to do with it. Nothing. Raising children in the hopes of luck, is setting them up for failure. Raising children is not the hardest job I have ever done, it is however the one I have been the most consistent, the most diligent, the most honest, the most caring and the most careful in doing. Those things are what makes my kids great, normal, kids. Luck has nothing to do with it, and quite frankly, I'm offended anyone would think so.