As a 28 year veteran of mental illness and a strong (to say it mildly) advocate of doing more to eradicate this dangerous, under-discussed killer, I volunteer as a Mental Health Advocate speaking with Intermediate and High School kids about living a life with mental illness, or as some would say - poor mental health. Aside from right there, you will never hear me say that again. It is an illness and once we get our heads out of our asses and realize that money, time, research and discussion needs to be centered around the epidemic that is mental illness and the incredible number of people in Canada who suffer from this debilitating, life changing, career ending, family crushing, street living, life ending disease, then we can maybe say mental health.
If you don't want to hear any more about mental illness and the destruction it causes, I recommend you quit reading this blog. I have spent 7 years writing about the lives of my children, soccer games, swimming pools and cookouts - and have loved documenting their lives. However in doing so, I have ignored (aside from rare occasions) discussing the truth about living in this household. So, not only are the boys growing up, this blog growing up too. This is and has always been my platform and while the readership here is limited, no one will ever say I haven't used it.
Today I will be speaking with kids about growing up in a regular family with a regular life and still having this deadly disease incapacitate me. Make no mistake, Mental Illness kills, just like Cancer and ALS. I have never hidden my struggles from my family, and Craig has never opted to walk away from what has surely been a far more difficult life than he had planned. My boys are innocent victims in watching me learn to function in every day life. There is nothing else in my life that hurts as much as that.
I look for no pity. None. I don't need it and sure as hell don't want it. What I look for is some sort of understanding and the end of using me as an excuse for why an event may not have gone as planned, why alternate arrangements were made or for not seeing each other because "Shannon can't handle it". Let me tell you this - I am mentally stronger than most and am tired of being scape-goated, coddled or blamed for other peoples view of a situation. There is no asking, only assuming.
I am me. This is my life and no one has any idea of how hard or easy it is. Not because I won't tell, but because they don't ask. That is up to them. With almost 25% of the Canadian population having been diagnosed with a form of mental illness, I am always surprised that people send their money elsewhere. Not only that, but they shy away from assisting those they know need help.
In my case, my disease is not only an emotional one, it is a physical one (yes mental illness is not only 'in your head'). So why can't I and so many others get the care, funding, research that is so desperately needed? Because it is easier to send money to Cancer research because we can SEE people dying. It is easier to send to ALS research because it was made fun.Don't get me wrong, those diseases need the money for research - defintely. Here's the thing - whether you have Cancer, ALS, Diabetes, or Mental Illness it is not easy, not fun. The difference is because people think it is "in your head", money isn't donated, cool challenges aren't proposed and even when celebrities die due to the desperation in their lives, that too is swept under the rug and a physical illness is put in its place to alleviate the stigma of mental illness.
I am sick of seeing kids and adults alike not being able to get the care and support they need for an illness that affects more people than any other.
I am blessed and thankful that my family has stood by me, that my parents believed me way back when and to this day, that my doctors pushed me, that I have fought every day for the last 28 years to get out of bed, make my parents, my husband and my children proud of me. I am proud that I feel passionately enough about something that I am willing to risk my livelihood and ridicule to speak about something that needs to be talked about. Kids and adults are killing themselves every day because they have no support. Do people realize this?
So if mental illness scares you, it should. It is scary, and hard and debilitating and killing. And it is time to wake up. Donate your time and money wherever you want, but remember you all know someone with mental illness. You know me. I am the poster child for normal childhood, normal life and still, it chose me, chose to damage my life - almost ruin me, chose to take away my memories, chose to affect my relationships. It didn't care who I was, what I had going for me.
Ignoring the fact that someone you know suffers from mental illness, will not cure them. You wouldn't ignore Cancer, would you? Is it fear of what you may hear if you actually listened? I suggest you be more afraid of the time when there is nothing left to be said. When that person is so deep in their disease you can no longer reach them. That's when you should be afraid.
Thank you Craig for rescuing me. You did that. And while you may not realize it, you saved my life. I WOULD NEVER kill myself, but you saved me. And every day for the rest of my life I will thank you for giving me my life back. October 31 holds a big significance in my life. And on Friday I will celebrate knowing that that day changed my life.
So today is the day, the line in the sand. I will not be used as an excuse any longer. I'm done. I am me. I am an excellent mother, a loving wife, a good daughter and sister. I am a hard worker, a friend, a confidante, a keeper of a home, a taxi service, a listener and a talker. I am beautiful, not because of my outside, but because of my inside. If you want to judge me, or dislike me - you are absolutely free to do so - just don't blame my mental illness - that's just an excuse and really, a cop-out..
