The Real Truth - as I see it

As a 28 year veteran of mental illness and a strong (to say it mildly) advocate of doing more to eradicate this dangerous, under-discussed killer, I volunteer as a Mental Health Advocate speaking with Intermediate and High School kids about living a life with mental illness, or as some would say - poor mental health. Aside from right there, you will never hear me say that again. It is an illness and once we get our heads out of our asses and realize that money, time, research and discussion needs to be centered around the epidemic that is mental illness and the incredible number of people in Canada who suffer from this debilitating, life changing, career ending, family crushing, street living, life ending disease, then we can maybe say mental health.

If you don't want to hear any more about mental illness and the destruction it causes, I recommend you quit reading this blog. I have spent 7 years writing about the lives of my children, soccer games, swimming pools and cookouts - and have loved documenting their lives. However in doing so, I have ignored (aside from rare occasions) discussing the truth about living in this household. So, not only are the boys growing up, this blog growing up too. This is and has always been my platform and while the readership here is limited, no one will ever say I haven't used it.

Today I will be speaking with kids about growing up in a regular family with a regular life and still having this deadly disease incapacitate me. Make no mistake, Mental Illness kills, just like Cancer and ALS. I have never hidden my struggles from my family, and Craig has never opted to walk away from what has surely been a far more difficult life than he had planned. My boys are innocent victims in watching me learn to function in every day life. There is nothing else in my life that hurts as much as that.

I look for no pity. None. I don't need it and sure as hell don't want it. What I look for is some sort of understanding and the end of using me as an excuse for why an event may not have gone as planned, why alternate arrangements were made or for not seeing each other because "Shannon can't handle it". Let me tell you this - I am mentally stronger than most and am tired of being scape-goated, coddled or blamed for other peoples view of a situation. There is no asking, only assuming.

I am me. This is my life and no one has any idea of how hard or easy it is. Not because I won't tell, but because they don't ask. That is up to them. With almost 25% of the Canadian population having been diagnosed with a form of mental illness, I am always surprised that people send their money elsewhere. Not only that, but they shy away from assisting those they know need help.

In my case, my disease is not only an emotional one, it is a physical one (yes mental illness is not only 'in your head'). So why can't I and so many others get the care, funding, research that is so desperately needed? Because it is easier to send money to Cancer research because we can SEE people dying. It is easier to send to ALS research because it was made fun.Don't get me wrong, those diseases need the money for research - defintely. Here's the thing - whether you have Cancer, ALS, Diabetes, or Mental Illness it is not easy, not fun. The difference is because people think it is "in your head", money isn't donated, cool challenges aren't proposed and even when celebrities die due to the desperation in their lives, that too is swept under the rug and a physical illness is put in its place to alleviate the stigma of mental illness.

I am sick of seeing kids and adults alike not being able to get the care and support they need for an illness that affects more people than any other.

I am blessed and thankful that my family has stood by me, that my parents believed me way back when and to this day, that my doctors pushed me, that I have fought every day for the last 28 years to get out of bed, make my parents, my husband and my children proud of me. I am proud that I feel passionately enough about something that I am willing to risk my livelihood and ridicule to speak about something that needs to be talked about. Kids and adults are killing themselves every day because they have no support. Do people realize this?

So if mental illness scares you, it should. It is scary, and hard and debilitating and killing. And it is time to wake up. Donate your time and money wherever you want, but remember you all know someone with mental illness. You know me. I am the poster child for normal childhood, normal life and still, it chose me, chose to damage my life - almost ruin me, chose to take away my memories, chose to affect my relationships. It didn't care who I was, what I had going for me.

Ignoring the fact that someone you know suffers from mental illness, will not cure them. You wouldn't ignore Cancer, would you? Is it fear of what you may hear if you actually listened? I suggest you be more afraid of the time when there is nothing left to be said. When that person is so deep in their disease you can no longer reach them. That's when you should be afraid.

Thank you Craig for rescuing me. You did that. And while you may not realize it, you saved my life. I WOULD NEVER kill myself, but you saved me. And every day for the rest of my life I will thank you for giving me my life back. October 31 holds a big significance in my life. And on Friday I will celebrate knowing that that day changed my life.

So today is the day, the line in the sand. I will not be used as an excuse any longer. I'm done. I am me. I am an excellent mother, a loving wife, a good daughter and sister. I am a hard worker, a friend, a confidante, a keeper of a home, a taxi service, a listener and a talker. I am beautiful, not because of my outside, but because of my inside. If you want to judge me, or dislike me - you are absolutely free to do so - just don't blame my mental illness - that's just an excuse and really, a cop-out..

Toe Jam

On Thursday Sterling went to see a surgeon to have his toe and toenail checked and a channel cut out of the middle of the nail to help with all the problems he has been having.

The disgusting toe thing is about 6 months old and he has seen his family doc twice and taken himself to the walk-in at least that many times. Finally the decision was made to have a surgeon take a look.

The doctor was Russian, and Sterling and Craig both thought he was hilarious, although his bedside manner was not exactly what they were used to. He threw out a lot of movie examples of how bad the surgery was going to be. I don't know if 'goulag' came up. Sterling was a little shocked that the doc yanked out the whole nail and I think the doc may have been a little surprised that Sterling asked to keep it. lol

I have a hilarious photo of Sterling smiling a maniacal smile but thought I would keep it in my 'I beg of you, please don't have a big wedding or I will be forced to use this' file.

A Cinderella Story

Yesterday Craig and I were both fortunate enough to be able to work our schedules around being able to watch the most amazing game of soccer we have seen in Kaedo's 11 years of playing.

Kaedo joined his school soccer team this Fall, and played and practiced like he was going to the World Cup. Unfortunately at the end of the season, his team had the worst record with 0 wins, 3 ties and 3 losses. They made it into the playoffs in the last spot. Everyone thought they were an easy beat and you know what happens when people think that way. We watched them beat the first, second and third placed teams to go on and take the GOLD in the LOSSA finals.

They worked hard and played hard and only got better as the competition grew.

Craig and were extremely impressed with the coaching and manner in which the boys were treated and respected given their various talents as league, all-star and rep players outside of the school milieu. I saw almost all the games this season, based strictly on the luck of my work schedule and their game schedule and I can say I have never been so impressed with the coaching.

While we have many other pictures, my stance has always been not to post pics of other kids, so you will have to make due with this gorgeous one of a gold medal defender. We are so proud of Kaedo's perseverance after having had knee surgery this year and fracturing his neck just one year ago. His love of the game shines through and his willingness to get into the play even though he is nervous is inspiring.

If you have never seen high school soccer before I would highly recommend attending a game. Why? Because the worst aspect of any team sport is missing. Parents coaching from the sidelines.

So CONGRATULATIONS to the LOSSA Gold Medal Champions, and to Kaedo for giving it his all.

On a side note - my god, he is gorgeous!

Wow, October 1st, eh?

I have been reminded numerous times over the last few weeks that no posting has been done since October 1. While I cannot promise the consistent posting of years gone by, I do promise to make a concerted effort to write more.

So with that being said, here goes:

My mom and dad are winging their way back to their Summer home as I write this, after a wonderful and productive two week visit. Craig and my dad worked their asses off replacing what must be 600 sq ft of flooring, including the main floor, two landings, the upstairs hall and into the basement. They also replaced the counter top and installed a range microwave. My dad also did a myriad of other chores and we are so thankful for all his help and hours that he put in teaching Craig and working together to make our house so much more beautiful. We would never have been able to tackle these jobs without his help. So thanks dad, you are so amazing!

We had the opportunity to show off some of the beautiful things we have in our area, including a day trip to a quaint town for window shopping, walking and a nice lunch. We also visited some of our farm markets, saw some pumpkin patches and had a very nice chat with a big cow. We went to the races (yay), they took in an Argos game and spent a day in Toronto walking around. Plus they got to see the changing of the leaves. Spectacular!

Mom and dad got to see Kaedo's school soccer team, not only come from last place but make it into the finals (knocking out the number one/no losses team in the league). They will play the gold medal game tomorrow at 12:30pm, and I'm hoping Craig takes some pictures.

One of the coolest things that happened was my mom, the non-dog-lover, loved Grover and taught him to fetch and return. Very cool! As you'll see below, I think she likes him. Maybe a little.

We also got to take some family pictures - first ever of the 6 of us. These photos are not photoshopped in any way, and were taken outside by us, in a local park. We have all commented that it looks like we are standing in front of a Sears Photo screen. lol

Love to see them together like this - best friends. Talking about girls?

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Love you guys!

Yes, I am completely aware that I look 10 years older than Craig

This may be one of my favorite photos ever. What beautiful people my mom and dad are!

Boy Amma, are you ever short!

All the same height here - better watch out Baba!

Love this one!

Cannot believe this was her idea!

And just for you, mom and dad - "that's what she said!"

So apparently....

...replacing your furnace and air conditioning may give you a coronary. We had a consult tonight to get a quote for the replacement - we were told last year that our furnace wouldn't make it through another winter - and all I can say is OMFG!

It will literally (right use of the word literally, E) cost more than I will make this year.

I have a slight but noticeable twitch in my eye and an ulcer coming on. Furnacitis?