In January 2000 I started working at a scrapbook store in Calgary, almost 6 months to the day after Kaedo was born. A sweet clerk taught me the ropes, worked with me and quickly became one of my dearest friends. I remember the days when Craig would come barreling into the store, Kaedo in his car seat and Sterling by the hand, informing me that "time for your break, Kaedo needs to be fed". Never did she judge me, she just chuckled, sent me to the back classroom and covered while I nursed my tiny baby.
Over the years we spent time together at work and outside of it. We shopped together, quilted together, scrapbooked together, had dinner and went to the movies. All the while working and raising our families.
When I moved across the country 3.5 years later, she threw me a wonderful surprise going away party and wished me all the the best for my new life. For quite a few years we stayed in contact, and I even had the opportunity to host her here for a long weekend, where we laughed and cried and took a trip to Niagara Falls and crossed the border and spent so much the border guards charged us duty. I visited and spent time with her when I returned to Alberta and as always our conversations resumed as if they had never ended.
Over the years we lost contact and a sadness for my lost friend settled in my heart. I started searching for her. There were so many things I wanted to tell her.
As a non-lover of Facebook, but after running out of ideas, I started searching for her there. She was nowhere to be found. Then I thought of her daughter, and about four months ago I sent her a message, explaining who I was and that I wanted to get in contact with her mom. I never heard from her. I feared my friend had died. Why she would have, who knows, but all I could think was that for some reason I was getting no response. We had not fought or ended our relationship. I was stumped.
Then yesterday I get a message from her sweet daughter telling me she had come across my message and that she had spoken to her mom and she gave me her contact info.
It was seriously the best thing to ever come out of Facebook. EVER. Within a minute of the message I was writing to my friend, telling her about my family and trying to find the words to express how very much I wanted her in my life. So I waited, and waited and nothing. Then this morning, a reply. One of the best emails I have received in years.
The one thing that stood out for me was that even after all these years, she still reads the blog.
So, Cheryl, this is for you. You were the best friend I ever had. You are kind, generous and amazing and I am so happy we have re-connected. I look so forward to the many more emails and the day we finally talk on the phone again. Maybe one day we will see each other and get to laugh and joke and I will just be able to hug you again and tell you I've missed you.
I love you my friend - lets never lose touch again!
Thursday, 9 April 2015
Wednesday, 8 April 2015
Dating and raising boys. What's luck got to do with it?
It has been a long time since I have been on a 'date'. Almost 21 years. However, this afternoon I watched a clip of an interview with Garth Brooks, who 14 years ago gave up performing to raise his three daughters after his divorce. In the 3 minute clip, he was asked for 5 tips for raising daughters. One really struck a cord with me.
Garth Brooks has the same rule as we do - no one-on-one dating until 16. He also gave each of his daughters cars when they got their licenses at 16. This too is something I strongly believe in - boys or girls.
So this was his tip - if a boy wants to date his daughter, he better come to the door and introduce himself. If he honks his horn, he might as well keep driving. Along with that, he had an agreement with his daughters that while the boy had come to the house, the daughters always drive on the first date with any boy. His logic is that being the driver gives them the control to cut the date short, come home if they are feeling pressured or not having a good time and gives them the independence to make the decisions that are best for them.
Let me just say that although I am the mother of boys, one of which has his own car, I am in full agreement with this and think that any young man that does not understand and appreciate this is not worth the first date. My sons included.
Like my parents, we have been hit with some backlash over giving Sterling a car when he got his license, and I am sure we will get more in February when it is Kaedo's turn. The reason behind it is simple. My children are in as much control as they can be, of their destiny, their safety, their happiness, when they have the power to just leave. Sterling has on a couple of occasions left situations, and while Craig and I would go to get him, no questions asked, the power of having his own car, gives him the strength to walk away and know that he is responsible for his choices because he has an 'out'. I am happy that we have chosen to do this for our sons. Not just for the above reasons, but for the responsibility it teaches them.
The one hard and fast, no exceptions rule we have, is that no child is allowed in the car unless I hear from their parents first. If the parents can't take 1 minute to call me so that I know that they know that it is a 17 year old driving their child, not an adult, they are not allowed. Sterling has caught a lot of flak for that one, as parents don't seem to understand, or care and kids think we are assholes. We are talking children driving children. Added to that, I don't let the boys get in a car with anyone I haven't met and spoken with. A couple of weeks ago I got a call from a dad who said, "I have never had to make a call like this before for a simple trip to the bowling alley, but thank you". When Sterling and his friend picked her up, he went to the door, shook hands, introduced himself and made me proud. His list of friends who drive with him is growing, but there are some parents who refuse to call. It's their loss, and their child's loss. The boys know this is an unbreakable rule. They may get away with it the first time, but I'll find out, and when I do, no amount of begging will get them back in their car. I only wish more parents understood.
As toddlers and young children, we set out rules and parameters for our kids. As they grow older, so many parents seem to feel that they are no longer able to do so. We do not have a lot of rules, but the ones we have are strictly adhered too. Teenagers need boundaries, rules, expectations. Not to keep them in line, but to give them something to strive for, to see that we respect them and expect them to respect us. They need to understand that what we do is for their safety, happiness and well-being, and if at any time they disagree we can talk about it, make adjustments. The time between when school gets out and parents get home is the most dangerous time of the day, in my opinion. More children are conceived by children, more alcohol is consumed and more drugs are tried. I know this to be true because my children speak to me, they tell me what their classmates are doing. It scares the hell out of me. So we have rules. About girls, about alcohol, about drugs.
What I hope is that with clear rules and guidance, we will continue to raise charming, smart, beautiful, kind, caring, loving and generous individuals who are going to kick ass in this world.
Lastly, you know what I hate? When people say to me "oh, you're so lucky to have the children you have". For the record, LUCK has NOTHING to do with it. Nothing. Raising children in the hopes of luck, is setting them up for failure. Raising children is not the hardest job I have ever done, it is however the one I have been the most consistent, the most diligent, the most honest, the most caring and the most careful in doing. Those things are what makes my kids great, normal, kids. Luck has nothing to do with it, and quite frankly, I'm offended anyone would think so.
Garth Brooks has the same rule as we do - no one-on-one dating until 16. He also gave each of his daughters cars when they got their licenses at 16. This too is something I strongly believe in - boys or girls.
So this was his tip - if a boy wants to date his daughter, he better come to the door and introduce himself. If he honks his horn, he might as well keep driving. Along with that, he had an agreement with his daughters that while the boy had come to the house, the daughters always drive on the first date with any boy. His logic is that being the driver gives them the control to cut the date short, come home if they are feeling pressured or not having a good time and gives them the independence to make the decisions that are best for them.
Let me just say that although I am the mother of boys, one of which has his own car, I am in full agreement with this and think that any young man that does not understand and appreciate this is not worth the first date. My sons included.
Like my parents, we have been hit with some backlash over giving Sterling a car when he got his license, and I am sure we will get more in February when it is Kaedo's turn. The reason behind it is simple. My children are in as much control as they can be, of their destiny, their safety, their happiness, when they have the power to just leave. Sterling has on a couple of occasions left situations, and while Craig and I would go to get him, no questions asked, the power of having his own car, gives him the strength to walk away and know that he is responsible for his choices because he has an 'out'. I am happy that we have chosen to do this for our sons. Not just for the above reasons, but for the responsibility it teaches them.
The one hard and fast, no exceptions rule we have, is that no child is allowed in the car unless I hear from their parents first. If the parents can't take 1 minute to call me so that I know that they know that it is a 17 year old driving their child, not an adult, they are not allowed. Sterling has caught a lot of flak for that one, as parents don't seem to understand, or care and kids think we are assholes. We are talking children driving children. Added to that, I don't let the boys get in a car with anyone I haven't met and spoken with. A couple of weeks ago I got a call from a dad who said, "I have never had to make a call like this before for a simple trip to the bowling alley, but thank you". When Sterling and his friend picked her up, he went to the door, shook hands, introduced himself and made me proud. His list of friends who drive with him is growing, but there are some parents who refuse to call. It's their loss, and their child's loss. The boys know this is an unbreakable rule. They may get away with it the first time, but I'll find out, and when I do, no amount of begging will get them back in their car. I only wish more parents understood.
As toddlers and young children, we set out rules and parameters for our kids. As they grow older, so many parents seem to feel that they are no longer able to do so. We do not have a lot of rules, but the ones we have are strictly adhered too. Teenagers need boundaries, rules, expectations. Not to keep them in line, but to give them something to strive for, to see that we respect them and expect them to respect us. They need to understand that what we do is for their safety, happiness and well-being, and if at any time they disagree we can talk about it, make adjustments. The time between when school gets out and parents get home is the most dangerous time of the day, in my opinion. More children are conceived by children, more alcohol is consumed and more drugs are tried. I know this to be true because my children speak to me, they tell me what their classmates are doing. It scares the hell out of me. So we have rules. About girls, about alcohol, about drugs.
What I hope is that with clear rules and guidance, we will continue to raise charming, smart, beautiful, kind, caring, loving and generous individuals who are going to kick ass in this world.
Lastly, you know what I hate? When people say to me "oh, you're so lucky to have the children you have". For the record, LUCK has NOTHING to do with it. Nothing. Raising children in the hopes of luck, is setting them up for failure. Raising children is not the hardest job I have ever done, it is however the one I have been the most consistent, the most diligent, the most honest, the most caring and the most careful in doing. Those things are what makes my kids great, normal, kids. Luck has nothing to do with it, and quite frankly, I'm offended anyone would think so.
Sunday, 5 April 2015
Happy Easter!
Wishing everyone a wonderful day today, although I suppose we should wish that for those we love every day, not just on special occasions.
The boys had a teenage version of an egg hunt this morning. We have over the years had hunts where they have to find their treasures based on clues. It was a lot of fun this year as they were totally surprised. I had told them during the week that their new clothes were their Easter gifts.
I warned them that I would be taking a picture at the end, so shirts may be wanted but obviously Kaedo is secure in his manhood and decided a skinny pasty white look was all good. lol
I think they likes the money more than the chocolate. Who can blame them?
Craig and I also exchanged gifts - which is beyond rare. He has a small collection of these 'dolls' that his staff have given him and I have always said when we see them that I like Anna from 'Frozen' as she is so brave and totally cool and never gave up on the person that was the most important to her. Very cool. So this is what I got:
While I don't usually buy gift cards for him, the three days before Easter I worked during all regular business hours, so I succumbed and bought the one that I knew he wouldn't use on the family and would truly treat himself to something:
The boys had a teenage version of an egg hunt this morning. We have over the years had hunts where they have to find their treasures based on clues. It was a lot of fun this year as they were totally surprised. I had told them during the week that their new clothes were their Easter gifts.
I warned them that I would be taking a picture at the end, so shirts may be wanted but obviously Kaedo is secure in his manhood and decided a skinny pasty white look was all good. lol
I think they likes the money more than the chocolate. Who can blame them?
Craig and I also exchanged gifts - which is beyond rare. He has a small collection of these 'dolls' that his staff have given him and I have always said when we see them that I like Anna from 'Frozen' as she is so brave and totally cool and never gave up on the person that was the most important to her. Very cool. So this is what I got:
While I don't usually buy gift cards for him, the three days before Easter I worked during all regular business hours, so I succumbed and bought the one that I knew he wouldn't use on the family and would truly treat himself to something:
We went to see Furious 7 and it was filled with fabulous cars, gorgeous women, kick ass car chases, awesome fight scenes and tonnes of shit getting blown up. It was topped off with a wonderful albeit very sad tribute to the late Paul Walker. A fitting send-off from those who love him. My kind of movie.
We were going to have a traditional Easter supper - Pizza, but my breadmaker is true and well broken so that went out the window. Maybe the kids will eat the chocolate they got?
Sunday, 29 March 2015
The flowers are coming, the flowers are coming!!!
I have for many years I have decorated my front porch with an abundance of flowers and beat up furniture. Last year I also "landscaped" my front area and it looked quite fab too. Things grow like mad in my part of the world.
This year I have big plans. With a job in a flower shop and garden centre, I have first access to beautiful plants and flowers at a great deal. I have had the same thought about what I plan to do over the last few years and Craig has given the green light to go for it this year. Hoping to have it all set up by June 1 so I can enjoy it all Summer.
I have searched my archives for pictures of last years garden to no avail, so I am going to post some Pinterest photos of what I hope to accomplish this year. Please note - not my photos.
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I think 2 and 3 are neck in neck with maybe 2 little ahead. I love the idea of using a dresser and adding all your flowers and plants. It would be a great focal piece of my deck and my flowers seem to thrive there. I love number 1, especially the color, but as the dresser will sit below the window, the mirror isn't a good idea. I am currently plotting and scheming of what will look best and had better increase my hours at the shop should I want to do all this. Maybe I should be asking for gift certificates to my own work for any and all occasions! LOL.
Craig is very cool with whatever and has no qualms about getting his hands dirty, so that makes it so much easier. I am happy to weed and water and plant, so here's to a fabulous growing season.
On another note - the tulips bulbs that Craig gave me last Fall have started to come up. I am sure I check them 3 times a day. No pesky squirrels in them yet. Blood Meal keeps them away. Fun fact, squirrels love tulips and will dig out the bulbs a sock them away, but if you use blood meal, it's all good - they can't stand the stuff. As for daffodils - they are poisonous to squirrels, so you daffodil lovers have nothing to fear.
As for Kaedo's garden - it is getting an overhaul this year too. It will be doubling in size with a few changes to what he plants and a few new strategies. Hopefully him working for a garden centre will teach him a few tricks as well. Once we get it built, I'll post some pictures. Won't be much before Mother's Day though.
Well, that's about it for this Sunday edition. Must go start my pizza dough as that is on the menu for tonight and Sterling has to work so it needs to be ready on time.
Lastly, wishing my oh-so-kickass-cool parents a safe journey as they make their way North. I know they will be counting down the days until they return to their winter home and where their hearts truly are. You guys are so amazing! Living the dream!
Sunday, 22 March 2015
College Bound....or Not?
Yesterday Craig, Sterling and I visited Sterling's first choice college campus. We did the tour, talked to people, convinced him a radio show about cars would be cool, and then went to the sister campus and saw what he really wanted to see - the auto shop.
Craig and I waffle on our want for Sterling to be a mechanic. I think it is a classic case of wanting more for your children. Like maybe he could be a mobster - now that's power. However, in watching him speak with the instructors, be engaging, knowledgeable and strong in his convictions as to his life plan, how do we or any parent stop their children from being who they want to be. Except drug dealer, I would draw the line there.
Sterling is in a very interesting and enviable position in which he has been tapped to apply for and OYAP (Ontario Youth Apprenticeship Program) scholarship and we will begin the process today of getting the paperwork prepared. He will hand that in this week and wait until the week of May 25 for an interview. There are only 20 of these scholarships available he our region (which is hundreds of kilometers and approximately 50 high schools).
What is amazing about this program is that should Sterling gets this scholarship, he will have the opportunity to finish out his high school education taking college courses and getting his level one Apprenticeship. To be licensed in Ontario he must get Level 1, 2 and 3. The kids that get these scholarships are the best of the best. They have experience, knowledge and the ability to work in big shops, learning and doing. What we learned yesterday, is that should he be accepted, get his level one and be accepted to continue his apprenticeship with a shop/dealership, he actually won't go to college. The company he works for will work with the government to provide him with the technical experience and classroom knowledge to get his level three and become a licensed mechanic.
Alternately, he will still apply for college in the fall to all the Motive Power technician colleges in the area as a fall back. Interestingly even after taking that two year program, he will NOT have his level one.
So, while we have always told the boys that a college education is a must, it looks like Sterling may have to the opportunity to laugh in our faces and say 'Booyah!'
We'll keep you posted.
As for Kaedo, we had really hoped that he could join us but alas a 3 month-with the opportunity for permanent, job has come his way and he will now be working Fridays after school and all day Saturdays. He is thrilled with the opportunity and certainly chose going to work over spending the day with us.
While he is unsure of what college path he wants to take - yes, we know he is only in grade 10 but here he will have to make the decision in grade 11, Craig found a couple of programs that might interest him. When we spoke with him last night, there was one in particular he was very interested in. Blasting Techniques. In other words, when people ask us when he does, we will very coolly be able to say "He blows shit up". Amazingly, I have a feeling that is what he's going to choose.
Craig and I waffle on our want for Sterling to be a mechanic. I think it is a classic case of wanting more for your children. Like maybe he could be a mobster - now that's power. However, in watching him speak with the instructors, be engaging, knowledgeable and strong in his convictions as to his life plan, how do we or any parent stop their children from being who they want to be. Except drug dealer, I would draw the line there.
Sterling is in a very interesting and enviable position in which he has been tapped to apply for and OYAP (Ontario Youth Apprenticeship Program) scholarship and we will begin the process today of getting the paperwork prepared. He will hand that in this week and wait until the week of May 25 for an interview. There are only 20 of these scholarships available he our region (which is hundreds of kilometers and approximately 50 high schools).
What is amazing about this program is that should Sterling gets this scholarship, he will have the opportunity to finish out his high school education taking college courses and getting his level one Apprenticeship. To be licensed in Ontario he must get Level 1, 2 and 3. The kids that get these scholarships are the best of the best. They have experience, knowledge and the ability to work in big shops, learning and doing. What we learned yesterday, is that should he be accepted, get his level one and be accepted to continue his apprenticeship with a shop/dealership, he actually won't go to college. The company he works for will work with the government to provide him with the technical experience and classroom knowledge to get his level three and become a licensed mechanic.
Alternately, he will still apply for college in the fall to all the Motive Power technician colleges in the area as a fall back. Interestingly even after taking that two year program, he will NOT have his level one.
So, while we have always told the boys that a college education is a must, it looks like Sterling may have to the opportunity to laugh in our faces and say 'Booyah!'
We'll keep you posted.
As for Kaedo, we had really hoped that he could join us but alas a 3 month-with the opportunity for permanent, job has come his way and he will now be working Fridays after school and all day Saturdays. He is thrilled with the opportunity and certainly chose going to work over spending the day with us.
While he is unsure of what college path he wants to take - yes, we know he is only in grade 10 but here he will have to make the decision in grade 11, Craig found a couple of programs that might interest him. When we spoke with him last night, there was one in particular he was very interested in. Blasting Techniques. In other words, when people ask us when he does, we will very coolly be able to say "He blows shit up". Amazingly, I have a feeling that is what he's going to choose.
Wednesday, 18 March 2015
Sterling
Not sure what to say about these pictures except WOW!
Instagram - @n.pb / @digitisation
He is an amazing photographer and I have been very lucky to get access to these. Thank you Noah.
Tuesday, 17 March 2015
Kaedo finished winter ball last Tuesday night and I dare say, he was certainly one of the stars of the team. He has taken the initiative over the last 6 months to try and play four days a week and it is amazing how much his skill level has increased. The rec play he participates in brings together teenagers and young adults of all skill levels and nationalities. I mention the nationalities because I think it is especially prevalant in soccer. Different cultures play the game differently, whether it be their level of intensity or aggression. Kaedo has learned the best of all these traits and it has brought his personal game to a new level. I am proud of him for making this sport he loves so much a priority, and it is a thrill to watch him play. He will begin summer ball in June and until then we will willingly schelp him back and forth to the civic 3 days a week so he can play with people from all over our community. While I know Kaedo has never read the blog, in case he one day does, I will say this: I'm so proud of you and the way you have come back from injury and adversity to do something you love so very much. You are an example of what strength, courage and tenacity is and I am so very proud to be your mom!
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