As this is my 16th year being a mom and celebrating Mother's Day, I thought I would post 16 thoughts on being a mom. Grab a drink because this is a long one. Here goes:
1. Time never flies faster than when you are a mom. The weekend of Sterling's birth is one of the clearest memories I have. God, I was scared and overwhelmed and nervous and in love. So in love. When I lost my heart to him I knew my life would never be the same. Now he is 16 and really a man in all ways except the numbers. How a tiny little baby became this big hulking, beautiful, kind soul just amazes me. And I swear it only happened overnight.
2. When I had Kaedo I was so scared I wouldn't love him as much. After all I had given all that love to Sterling, how could there be any more to give? However, the moment I laid eyes on Kaed I loved him. Totally and completely. Immediate true love. Man we fought those first few hours just to live and when we were finally together, a bond was formed that will never be broken.
3. Having a good partner makes me a good mother. Craig is a fabulous dad and because of that it is so easy to be a good mom (and I know I am a good one). He supports me, he supports them, he's a sounding board, a laughing companion, a compassionate and kind man and he makes me a better person and therefore a better mom.
4. Role models are key. I am truly blessed in the mom department. My mom is the most amazing woman I have ever met. She is kind, generous, loving, tells you like it is, loves me unconditionally and is an amazing Amma. My mother-in-law is sweet, big-hearted, thoughtful and loving and a wonderful Gramma. My whole life I have been able to look to my mom and see what it means to put your children first, to love unconditionally and I have always known I can depend on her in moments of happiness and sorrow. She has taught me how to love this way. Shirley has taught me acceptance. 20 years ago she accepted this crazy girl her son brought home for dinner and she has shown her love in so many ways since then. She has taught me that I will have to accept the people my son's bring into our family (yuck), and I will attempt to do so with the grace and kindness she has shown me.
5. Mommy groups aren't for me. Man did I try when my guys were young. I couldn't do it. I found in my case the group was a giant bitch session about their husbands and quite frankly I couldn't and cannot relate. I found it impossible to participate and I never got out of those groups what I thought I should. That was a short-lived time in my life and one I am so glad I never went back to.
6. Work was key. When my guys were young, being home with them was not ideal for me or my mental state. It was a very rough time in my life and one that I would not wish on anyone. When I went back to work, it was the best thing for them and me. Now that I have teenagers and am a stay-at-home mom, I often wonder what people think. I am busier with them now than I was when they were little, and for now this works for us.
7. Nothing brings more happiness or sadness to my life than my boys. When they are happy I feel like I can rule the world, when they are sad, my world crumbles. You don't see too many tears from the males in this family so when you do it is devastating.
8. Who's teaching who? I have learned more about life and how to live it from my guys than I ever thought possible. I've also learned more about the inner workings of a computer, but that's another story.
9. Teenagers are the best. At least mine are. I am not saying that with blinders on. I truly believe my kids are fantastic. I love the age they are at and wish I could just freeze-frame these moments. They are amazing human beings. Amazing. They didn't get there on their own. We have worked damn hard to have the children we have and we are just reaping the rewards of that hard work. Simply awesome.
10. It's all in the attitude. We can blame our kids for acting out, and sometimes they just do, but usually if I look back on any given situation, my attitude has influenced the sequence of events. The way I act and react has a direct correlation to what they do, good or bad, so I think that checking my attitude often helps in keeping theirs in check too.
11. A simple I love you. Can anything be better? We are big on "I Love Yous" in this family. I am lucky to still get them every day and kisses too. You have to cherish those things.
12. Laughter is the best medicine. Laughing with my guys (all three of them), takes away my sadness. They are funny and generous with their humor and I love it. Laugh a lot and your world will be a better place.
13. Family dinners are key. We are lucky I am home and have time and energy to make a full family dinner 5 nights a week. When you work all day this is much harder, or so it was in my experience. We sit down for a family dinner 5 nights a week. Even if it is at 8pm, we still do it. This is our time to hear about everyone's day, hear about what is on the agenda for tomorrow and see #12 - laugh!
14. Family day. We try and spend our Sundays together (if no one gets a better offer), or barring that have a movie night on Saturday nights. We have always done this and more often than not, the boys will choose to stick with us rather than do something else. We go to the flea market, see a movie, hang out, just be together. This is for me an important way to be a family of four, which is hard to do in a busy life. I know the time is limited on this one, but I cherish these days together.
15. Take pictures. I take a lot (as you see on the blog) and it is important to me to capture everything from haircuts to grad. The every day is often more important to capture than the occasions. These everyday pieces are our life and I want to remember them. Whether it be one photo or a dozen I want to remember these moments, the small and the big. Luckily for me the boys have grown up with a camera in their face, so it is second nature to them.
16. Smile. Even when the going gets tough, smile.
So that's it. That's what 16 years of being a mom has taught me. I can't wait for the next 16.
Happy Mother's Day to the women in my life - Mom, S, P and J. I love you guys.
